And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love you. Go after that dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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