I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
