me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
