Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
