My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
