i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
