she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
