Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
