i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
