The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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