im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
