Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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