Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
