I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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