Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
