What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
