mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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