okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
