I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
