I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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