im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
