1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize