he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
