i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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