Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
