You smell like stripper and shame
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
