I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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