Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
