do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
