Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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