I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
