i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
