please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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