I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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