haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
