Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
