and she was petting her beer can
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The uberlube is also flammable
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
