it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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