So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize