Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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