She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
