It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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