you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
