1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
