I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
