Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
