I wish my penis had an off switch
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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