I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
