I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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