There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Randomize
