I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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