apparently the secret to your success is patron
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize