You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
