I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
