Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
