Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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