It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
