my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
