We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
