Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
