I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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