Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
