he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
