I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize