It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
In America we eat man semen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
