He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
