hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
