Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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