WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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