She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
