Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
