Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
