OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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