My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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