Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize